When someone dies, families are often faced with decisions about how to plan a funeral at a time when they feel least prepared to make them – it can feel overwhelming.
Where do you start?
What needs to be done?
What matters most?
Over time, I’ve come to see that preparing a funeral doesn’t need to be complicated. It can be a gentle process, one step at a time.
The First Call
The first step is usually a phone call.
This is not a call where everything needs to be decided, it’s simply a starting point.
A chance to:
- Understand what has happened
- Talk through the immediate next steps
- Begin to bring a little clarity to the situation
Often, what people need most in that moment is reassurance.
That there is time and they don’t need to have all the answers yet.
The First Meeting
The first meeting is where things begin to take shape.
This is usually a conversation, not a checklist.
We talk about:
- The person who has died
- What they were like
- What feels important to the family
From there, we begin to look at practical elements on how to plan a funeral:
- Burial or cremation
- Timing
- Location
- Gathering information for Births, Deaths and Marriages for the death certificate
There is no need to know or decide everything at once. Some families want to be very involved, while others prefer more guidance.
Both are completely okay.
As Much or As Little as You Need
One of the most important things to remember about planning a funeral is this:
You don’t have to do everything yourself.
Some people want to be involved in every detail. Others don’t feel able to make decisions at that time.
You can:
- Take the lead
- Share decisions with family
- Or delegate entirely
There is no right way.
The process can be shaped around what you are able to manage.
Taking Your Time
There is often a sense that things need to happen quickly.
In reality, there is usually more time than people expect.
Taking even a small pause can help bring clarity.
It allows decisions to feel considered, rather than rushed.
Thoughtful Touches
This is where planning a funeral becomes something more than just a service.
Small, personal touches can carry a lot of meaning.
It might be:
- A piece of music they loved
- A handwritten note placed with them
- Their favourite biscuits or lollies
- A drink they always enjoyed
- A simple flower ceremony where people can participate
These moments don’t need to be elaborate.
Often, it’s the simplest details that feel the most meaningful.
Writing the Story
One part of the process that often feels significant is the eulogy or ceremony itself.
For some families, writing a eulogy can feel daunting. Finding the right words at a time like this isn’t always easy. What I’ve found is that it doesn’t need to be perfect, it just needs to be true.
When I prepare a ceremony, I spend time getting to know the person – who they were, what mattered to them, the small details that made them unique. From there, I shape the service around their story, in a way that feels natural and personal.
Sometimes families want to speak themselves. Sometimes they prefer me to guide that part entirely. Both approaches are completely okay.
At its heart, a ceremony is simply a way of reflecting a life back to the people who loved them.
Creating Something That Feels Right
No two funerals are the same.
What matters most is that it reflects the person who has died, and the people who are saying goodbye.
Some services are quiet and simple, others are more expressive, there is no template.
A Final Thought
One of the things I often come back to in this work is a simple idea:
“If you leave someone in a better place than you found them, it’s worth it.”
That might mean:
- Easing someone’s burden
- Bringing a sense of calm
- Creating a moment that feels meaningful
Planning a funeral is not about getting everything “right”.
It’s about creating something that feels right – for you, your family, and the person you’re honouring.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
